Road Scholars
Road Scholars is a chatroom/ill-advised social experiment moderated by McKain and QueenTakesRook. History The origins of Road Scholars are shrouded in the mists of time and obscurity. In its current incarnation, the room is run by McKain, a refugee/exile from League of Gamers, who assumed power in a (debateably) bloodless coup in the summer of 2008. Since then, numerous sources agree that things have only gotten worse. Lawlessness, terror and rampant gay innuendo stalk the landscape, as aid agencies refuse to risk sending in personnel. This suits the room's regulars perfectly, as their caustic and misanthropic nature puts them largely at odds with the outside world, any incursion from which will likely be met with a combination of threats of violence, rapier wit and common-or-garden mockery. Technology Attempts have occasionally been made to drag Road Scholars kicking and screaming into the twenty-first century. Most notable have been the forays into robotics by McKain and burnme, creating McAble (latterly iPal) and BurnBot. BurnBot has since been removed by its creator following a dispute over the inclusion in its vocabulary of a reference to a type of Chinese sailing vessel. iPal, now having a monopoly, offers a calculator, reports when it has last seen a given user, and simulates the throws of dice. Some critics point out that the tea and coffee making facilities leave a lot to be desired, however. Law Enforcement Of questionable efficacy. In the event of spamming or trolling, the promptest response is typically offered by Road Scholar regulars turning out with pitchforks and lit torches to remove the miscreant, or at least damage his self-esteem to the point that he begins to question the meaning of life itself. This typically results in a swift (or at least entertaining) resolution, without the need to involve Kongregate mods (pictured to the right). Room Culture Road Scholars are typically sarcastic, irreverent, disdainful of anything not directly beneficial to their own lives, and sex-obsessed. Asking for game help will typically be met with the same response as politely enquiring of a vicar whether you might violently sodomise his wife and daughter and then clean yourself off on his curtains afterwards. Despite this attitude (or perhaps because of it), Scholars are typically welcoming to newcomers, providing they have an IQ greater than that of a glass of water. The conversation, inasmuch as it deserves the term, is driven by the twin influences of the Dada movement and mescaline, akin to a highly-intellectual professor of art, specialising in the works of the lesser-known pre-Raphaelites, after having had his drink spiked with cheap vodka. It may be the only room on Kongregate where the lesser works of Moliere have been mentioned in the same breath as duct-taping unruly children to walls and dropping sailing boats onto Americans from a cargo plane. Most notable are the ritualistic tangents that the conversations often go on. They start out with a simple comment, building and building until you have a conversations so abstract that to try and find where it began would drive one utterly insane. Notable Scholars Given that most regulars will never amount to anything, it is highly suspect as to whether there is such a thing as a truly notable Road Scholar. Nonetheless, we offer the following examples (in no particular order), intended solely as cautionary tales: McKain The room owner, and Acting Ban Dispenser, 2nd Class. Also known as McAFKain as he is often AFK. May be easily exploited via his deep-seated (and bordering on the pathological) love of upcoming game, Borderlands. He has also successfully converted ChaoticCrusade into a raving worshiper of Reese Roper.